Not only have I not been cooking lately–I turned on my stove once in the last month–I haven’t even been eating much. My diet has slowed to only that which can be prepared in under a minute: yogurt and honey, leftovers from meals I’ve picked at, food from bags, lots of stone fruit. (Summer to-do list #12 – check.) It’s summer, sure. And also, there’s a lot of living that’s been happening.
The last year of my life has been full of ups and downs and holy shit I’ve just kicked my life off of a cliff-s. It’s given me plenty of opportunity to observe what happens to my appetite when I’m in different emotional states. Nervousness and fear can disappear my appetite in a second. When I’m feeling insane giddy anticipation I’m not much for food either. Grief does something a little similar, while low-grade, persistent stress makes me just want to stuff myself with boxes of cookies and crackers.
What’s a food and cooking blog maintained by a person who’s neither cooking nor really eating? Who knows. This has been my sustenance lately:
- She Was Pretty – This one comes from Lynda, who sold me with one sentence: “Life passes by pretty quickly with a good Korean drama.”
- “Don’t you think any pizza can be a personal one if you cry while you eat it?” -Aparna Nancherla, who I would set out on a long train or car ride for just so I could listen to her album along the way.
- “How Far I’ll Go” – I know we all feel like Moana, journeying far from our homes to be true to ourselves and do right by our loved ones, but believe me when I tell you. I am Moana.
- My Goodreads to-read list. Considering my reading list is like looking at a list of vacations that I want to take. I don’t even have to be reading anything in particular, I can just be thinking about what I want to read. And that’s enough to help me get by.
- “My First (and Last) Time Dating a Rice Queen” – Alexander Chee on the power and pain of even the shortest love affairs.
- Instructions on Not Giving Up – This poem by Ada Limon comes from Chee’s email newsletter, which I’ve now signed up for thanks to Leonor’s newsletter. These lines I feel in my bones: “a return // to the strange idea of continuous living despite // the mess of us, the hurt, the empty”
- I’ve been listening and reading to a lot of stuff about breakups lately. This week’s Modern Love hit a nerve: “The 12 Hour Goodbye That Started Everything”
- My podcast life: Nancy; Call Your Girlfriend; Death, Sex, & Money never, ever fail me. That and the fun new interviews about interviewing podcast The Turnaround.